School for Failed Human Transmutations
by Misa The Lolicon Lolita
Summary: Why was Greed sealed? [Lines are from South Park]


All of the Homunculi were sitting in an oddly colorful room that looked like it was made for kindergarteners. They sat in too small for their body size chairs. Wrath fit just fine, though. Everyone else's legs stuck out under the desks and rested under the chairs in front of them (especially Greed and Pride)

All the sudden, Greed hit Envy in the back of the head with a notebook he spit on. Envy turned in his chair and hissed at Greed, who just held up his hands in a 'don't look at me' pose as he smiled a large, sharp-toothed grin. Envy held up the spit slick notebook that had the words, in big black letters, "Property of Greed" on the cover.

"That doesn't prove anything!" Greed protested as he pulled his legs to the sides of his chair so Envy wouldn't stab them.

Wrath jumped from tabletop to tabletop and tripped over Sloth who was taking a nap on her desk. He landed in Envy's lap, and Envy tossed him across the room. Wrath landed with a loud thump and yelled, "OW!"

An alchemic glow lit that part of the room and Wrath charged out of the area he landed in, at Envy, with a stone sword for a hand that he made from a chunk of the wall. Greed laughed uncontrollably as Wrath and Envy started beating the living crap out of each other. Pride pinched the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb and frowned at them. Lust shook her head while Sloth continued her nap. Gluttony nibbled on his desk, completely ignoring them fighting.

The door opened, then, and Dante walked in. She was carrying a few books and her nose was in the air with her eyes closed. She set the books on the desk in front of the bright pink room and sighed. She pulled out an air horn from one of her desk drawers and pressed the button. As the earsplitting sound filled the room, Greed immediately stopped laughing, Pride and Sloth look up at the desk, Wrath and Envy bolted back to their seats, still regenerating the flesh they tore off of each other, Sloth immediately woke up from her nap and stared at Dante and Gluttony stopped his nibbling. Of course, by then, Gluttony's desktop was gone.

"HEADGEAR OFF!!!" Dante screamed.

Pride immediately stripped off his eye patch, revealing the ouroborus on his eye, and Greed carefully folded his sun glasses and put them in his pant's pocket.

"You too, Envy." Dante ordered.

"But-" Envy started to protest.

"OFF!!!" Dante screamed at the top of her lungs.

Envy immediately stripped off his bandana, revealing even paler skin than his normal skin color, and set it on his desk. His hair fell over his eyes, so he pulled it behind his eyes. He defiantly looked odd without his bandana. Greed snickered so Envy chucked Greed's notebook back at him.

Greed's notebook hit him square in the jaw and jerked his head back. He hissed and bared his sharp teeth as he rubbed his jaw.

"Hush, Greed." Dante ordered.

"But-" Greed started to protest.

"SHUT UP!" Dante yelled.

Envy snickered at Greed and Greed glared at the back of his head.

"Okay children, lets start the day with a few new math problems. What if five times two? ...come on children. Don't be shy. Just give it your best shot." Dante told.

Wrath nervously raised his hand and Dante said, "Yes, Wrath?"

"Twelve?" Wrath told, nervously. He wasn't really sure.

"Okay. Now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy." Dante asked. Wrath pouted, but didn't do anything.

"I think I know the answer, Dante!" Envy informed as he raised his hand.

"Mi mi mi mi mi mi. (I think I know the answer, Dante)" Greed teased in a high pitched voice.

"Shut up, fat boy!" Envy yelled as he turned in his chair to glare at Greed.

"HEY! Don't call me fat you fuckin' Jew!" Greed yelled, bringing up his shield and slamming his fist on his desk, breaking off a chunk of the delicate wood.

"Greed! Did you just say the F word!?!" Dante yelled, shocked that Greed just cussed. She needed to spend more time with him. Then she'd defiantly be happy.

"...Jew?" Greed asked, confused.

"No! He's taking about fuck. You can't say fuck in school, you fucking fat ass!" Envy corrected while, at the same time, subliminally calling his a friggin' retard.

"Envy!" Dante yelled, shocked that he was cussing too.

"Why the fuck not!?!" Greed asked, more confused than ever.

"Greed!" Dante scolded, starting to get really pissed.

"Dude, you just said fuck again!" Wrath informed Greed.

"Wrath!" Dante yelled.

"Fuck." Lust said, just for the hell of it.

"Lust!" Dante yelled, shocked everyone was cussing.

"What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody! Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!" Greed informed.

"How would you like to see the school counselor!?!" Dante yelled.

Hoenhime looked around his office. Did someone just scream for him?

"How would you like to suck my balls?" Greed asked.

Everyone but Greed gasped and stared at him, wide eyed.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!" Dante screamed at the top of her lungs.

"oh, ah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was..." Greed told, taking out a megaphone from nowhere in particular, "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, DANTE?"

Greed tossed the megaphone to his side, smacking Sloth in the face, and looked at Dante expectantly.

"Holy shit, dude." Envy said, shocked out of his mind.

Dante looked like she was going to explode. Alchemic light filled the room and the room collapsed with her fury induced alchemy. Out of the rubble, everyone popped up, shell shocked and prepared to get the living shit beat out of them. Dante marched forward, grabbed Greed by the ear and dragged him away. The whole time, Greed was screaming "OW, OW, OW, OW!!!"


End file.
